Snow fell like salt from a generous shaker, seasoning the windscreen of Valentine’s car. He watched Hak’s apartment building as if it were a film about to start, smoking the last embers of his cigarette before throwing the putrid stump onto the pavement.
The passenger door opened and a fat man joined him, sniffing the air with deep disapproval. The suspension creaked, buckling under his weight as he squashed into the car, snacking on a large portion of chips.
“You’ve been smoking that human poison again, haven’t you.”
Valentine heaved a sigh of hatred. “Nice to see you Valentine” He said to the air. “Been a while…How have you been? These are all of the ways people begin conversations Hoffman.”
“Haven’t you?” Repeated Hoffman, gorging himself.
“Hoffman,” Said the thin, slick Valentine in repulsion at his obese companion. “If I wanted to be judged I would have handed myself in years ago. Also, if I wanted a lecture in over-indulgence I doubt I would ask for it from you, Mr Snack Attack. So, be a quiet hypocrite, there’s a good chap, something very interesting is happening.”
“Interesting enough to get me out of bed at this hour?” Hoffman finished his chips, rolled down the window, and threw the litter into the street.
“It’s five o clock in the afternoon.” Said Valentine.
“Valentine, just tell me what is so important. I’m missing my favourite TV quiz for this. Not to mention central heating!”
“See for yourself.”
“See what?”
Valentine pointed across the street. Harry flopped Hak’s lifeless body into the rear seats of a Mini as Aunty took her shotgun position up front, while prompting him to hurry along.
“Those people over there are kidnapping that woman.”
Hoffman rolled his lazy eyes and sighed, deeply frustrated. “So? What do you want me to do about it? Congratulate them for their anti-social behaviour and buy them a pint?”
“Are you not interested at all to know why?”
“Are we going to play these games all evening? Because I am not interested, if we are.”
Valentine smiled. “So it wouldn’t interest you to know that their victim was delivered unto by a Consort of Destiny this morning at her fathers funeral?”
Hoffman’s jaw dropped. He tried to form words, but they could not stick between his slack lips.
Valentine signalled as the Mini drove away. He waited, and when the time was right, pulled out with just enough speed to ensure they could follow undetected two cars behind. He knew he would not lose them. He rarely lost.
“You’re not joking, are you?” Hoffman finally stuttered.
“No.”
They drove on through the frozen streets, Hoffman chewing his fingernails like a nervous squirrel. “Holy crap! Do you know what this means Val?”
“It means we could be less than 24 hours away from discovering the Prize.”
Hoffman pondered the idea in a humble one-minute silence before allowing a wide serpentine smile to spread across his round face. “I was beginning to believe we might never return.”
Valentine almost crashed. “Return? Are you bloody mental?”
“You make it sound as if there is an alternative.” Said Hoffman, taking his turn to swerve.
“Hoffman, the Prize is one of the most powerful evolutionary forces in this universe. It has been resident on this planet for 2000 years, and has transformed a race of monkeys from abacus stroking fools to rocket launching maniacs in less time than it took our own race to learn how to tame fire. That is power. Anyone who holds that power could rule over any race they chose. Holy Hell, you could even start your own race, given the right conditions!”
Hoffman gasped. “Do not tell me you believe that superstitious hokum!”
“You’re telling me you don’t believe in the power of the Prize?”
“Of course I am.”
“Then answer me this: How do human beings know about Quantum Physics yet not understand it?”
Hoffman stuttered. “There is a perfectly reasonable explanation.”
“Of course there is, because they are more advanced then their abilities. Name one other species who is in this predicament?”
Hoffman huffed.
“I take from your silence that you can’t. I rest my case.”
Hoffman shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. “Valentine, if the boss could here you now, you would be burned for eternity, and I would be tortured for his amusement, forever, for just listening to you. The Prize was stolen from our Master and was hidden here, now the Consorts are back in town we are more likely to find it. When we find it, we take it back. End of story.”
“Do you believe everything you are told?”
“From reliable sources, yes, it’s called an education. Perhaps you should try it yourself someday.”
They stopped at a red traffic light.
“You honestly believe that our Master would have the balls to take us on if we decided to keep the Prize?”
“Okay.” Said Hoffman, biting on the last straw. “I am going to say this very clearly, and very slowly to you, as I believe you are one step away from jumping out of your mind. The Prize is the Prize possession of our Dark Lord and Master. We, being his favourites, have been assigned the task of returning it to him. As it has already taken us 2000 years, I assume he is quite pissed at us. If we never return it, he is going to be very pissed. If we steal it from him, he will find us and we will die ten thousand consecutive and painful deaths and still live to feel the pain of them all.”
Valentine smiled. “If that were true, it would have already happened.”
Hoffman frowned.
Valentine, knowing his charm was winning, continued. “Think about it, back in the good old days, when our Dark Lord and Master had his Prize trinket, no one messed with him. He would never have let 2000 years pass without retribution. He tortured people for using the wrong toothpaste on the wrong day. Think about it. Is that a coincidence?”
Hoffman considered the thought deeply, smiling at his personal conclusion. “You might be on to something here, Val.”
The light turned green, and they were away.
“Do you have a plan?” Asked Hoffman, preying the answer would be yes.
“No.”
“Then what are we doing?”
“Winging it.”
They parked four cars down from the Mini, allowing just enough time to see the kidnappers carry Hak into a small cottage on the outskirts of town.
Valentine lifted a carton of cigarettes from the glove compartment, lit up and inhaled. “There is only one person on this rock who can lead us to the Prize, and she is in that cottage.”
“So…what are we going to do?”
Valentine frowned. “That is the question.”
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