cats and dogs

If I had to categorize myself, I would have to say that I am a dog person. I love dogs, all dogs. I don’t necessarily hate cats; I just don’t find them as agreeable or compatible with humanity as many do. And many do.

Humans have been hanging out with cats for 4000 years, it was the ancient Egyptians who first kept them to control vermin and protect food stores. Perhaps it is because of their links with this mysterious culture that cats got a reputation by “new agers” for being mystical creatures, some owners do not think of their pets as animals at all (of course, these are the same people that generally believe that sitting in a healing circle channelling information from dolphins could be a) possible and b) useful; which I suppose it would be, if you wanted to catch a vast amount of tuna.)

The Ancient Egyptians took cats seriously, they worshipped them as hunters and gods, which when you think about it you would if they were the only creature between the harvest you have just broke your back (or the backs of your slaves) to cultivate and armies of hungry mice. They imposed a death penalty to anyone found guilty of killing a cat, and cats were mummified before being buried.

Other civilisations soon caught onto the convenience of the domesticated cat (is this an oxymoron?), the shorthaired cat spread across the world from Egypt (longhaired cats from Turkey and Iran and India) into Italy where they slowly crept around Europe, China and Japan and eventually ended up in the New World with the pilgrims. By the late 18^th century, cats had become popular household pets worldwide.

Thought to evolve from the African wildcat, there has only been one short period of persecution in the Middle Ages when cats were associated with the devil or misdoings of any kind. Yet superstition has evolved around them quicker than the plague spreads from sewer rats. Black cats are associated with witchcraft, black magic and are one of the strongest emblems of Halloween. And in modern culture, who could forget the images of Blofeld stroking his white Persian cat while expecting Mr Bond to die?

There is something very anti-establishment about owning a cat, and for that reason alone I have often considered getting one. 

I digress.

Asides from being accused of being aloof and selfish (by owners and none owners alike), cats are also praised by many as somehow possessing a higher intelligence than say, dogs. Could a cat guide a blind woman across the road? Or have the incentive to hunt in the mountains for days to find victims of a plane crash? I rest my case.

It is because there is a refinement to a cat’s behaviour that we analyse it as superior (when compared to a dog), and I am not disagreeing that the reflexes of a feline are not awe inspiring (enough to credit them as kings and queens of jungles), but so is the dexterity of a squirrel, and no one is handing out intelligence credits to them.

Simply put, it is not cats that fascinate me; it is cat owners. Dog owners, on the whole, seem a great deal happier with their lot. Of course, there is the teething months when there seems to be nothing you own that has not been chewed and “presents” frequently appearing upon the floor. 

But once house training has set in, owners are never left with the impression that their four-legged friend does not love them. Of course its not all a walk in the park, dogs are powerful and need to be treated well and handled responsibly in order to be safe in society. Yet a dog trainer friend of mine insists that he is not training the dog to behave; it is the owner that needs to learn.

Horror stories about dogs mauling children and turning on adults are not as wide spread as you would think, considering how many dog owners there are in this country. But when a tragedy does occur, it is often due to gross negligence on the owner’s behalf, mistreatment of the animal and no regard or respect for its nature.

Dogs are devotion on four legs. Owners become so attached to them that they start talking to them like children (it’s weird how many people call their dogs their babies and carry them around as hand luggage), and if a dog responds to a command, a celebration of rewards is bestowed upon it. Dogs cannot hide nor control their excitement at the possibility of food, and humans being the vain self-loving creatures that we all are at heart, love to bolster our egos when we are low with a loyal fan, no matter what it's incentive.

As Jack Dee once remarked, if a dog watched you putting up a shelf he would think it was the work of genius. If a cat watched you, you would feel like the DIY manual itself was judging you.

Cat owners always seem to be asking the question “Does my pet love me?” , or justifying to people like me that there cat is after more than food and shelter, no matter how little affection they demonstrate. There are millions of websites out there dedicated to people who love their cat, and thousands of forums clogged up with pictures of children and devoted owners squeezing their moggy’s close in a Kodak moment. Usually accompanied by some banner reading “ssooooo cute!”

The resentful look in the humiliated cats eye tells a different story nine times out of ten. Are cat lovers simply hopeless romantics with a notion that one day their love will be requited?

I have never been able to reason with it.

That’s why I’ve never owned a cat.